Taming the tongue

The other day my 4-year old was asking for something to eat and, as is customary in our home, we began to list options of things he could have to eat in an effort to find something to satisfy his hunger, and in many cases his emotions as well haha. Because many of us are aware, 4-year olds can be very emotional decision makers.

As we started to list a number of things, all of which he said “no” to, there was a container of leftover rice on the counter so, as I was out of options, I said, “what about some rice” and his response caught me off guard. He said, “no, rice is stupid”. I had never heard my son say the word stupid before, and I’m going to be honest, I didn’t like it at all. The interesting part is, right after he said it you could see that he kind of showed a level of reluctancy. He knew it was his first time saying that word in front of us and you could tell he knew it wasn’t a nice word.

Immediately after him saying it I asked him where he heard that word. Being 4 he didn’t give me a whole lot. But I sat down and explained to him why we don’t use that word and how it isn’t nice to call people or things stupid. We later found out that he picked it up from some robot transformer show he was watching.

This placed in me an even higher level of awareness of the things I say and how I say them to, and around, my kids. And it also got me thinking about how we talk to others as well. In James 3:5-6 it says:

The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

There is so much power in the things we say and sometimes I think we can forget that. Sin, pain, trauma, and the desire to always be right (among other things) have driven us into a state of using our words to demonstrate dominance, superiority, control, anger, defiance, and so much more. We can just as easily use our words to cut someone down as we can to build someone up and encourage them. The bible describes it this way:

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. - James 3:9-12

This is why in James 1:19 we are told to be quick to listen and notice this, slow to speak and slow to anger. We have to understand that as Christians, and especially Christian men, we are to hold ourselves to a higher standard. The apostle paul tells us in Ephesians 4:29:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

We have to realize that sometimes there are things that are better left unsaid. In Dale Carnegie’s book “How to win friends and influence people” he says,

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

Shouldn’t self-control, understanding, and forgiveness be at the center of how we speak and deal with others as men of God? How we talk to and about others goes a long way in showing and demonstrating these characteristics. And just as the story at the beginning of this post demonstrated, there is always someone listening who is going to pick up on the things you say, and if they look up to you, may even start to adopt the same style of speech and ways in which they address others.

My challenge to you is to be more aware of the things you say, how you say them, and who you say them to. Let the standards and warnings laid out in scripture be the foundation for how we speak to, and about others in our everyday lives.

“Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity” - Proverbs 21:23

Use the comment section to share thoughts and related insights about taming our tongues and guarding our speech.